Questions Questions Questions

So where I live (the Shoreditch end of Bethnal Green. Or the Bethnal Green end of Shoreditch, depending on which direction you’re coming from) there are heaps of homeless people. Any main road seems to have at least two guys sitting outside The-Supermarket-That-Shall-Not-Named or next to the cash point asking for any spare change. And I don’t know what to do about it. This is the conversation I have with myself every time I am asked if I have any spare change:

You can’t give money – it’ll only be used for alcohol and drugs. Do you really want your money to support  the local drug dealers?

Who says he’s gonna spend it on drugs? And why is it your business what he does with the money you give? Jesus asked you to help those in need and clearly he is in need.  God has entrusted you with that money – it’s not yours.

But I don’t think God wants his money to be used to support the local drug dealers either. And there are plenty of services out there to help. Maybe this guy prefers a life on the streets and so why should I support him in something that clearly isn’t healthy?

You know it’s rarely as simple as that - no one dreams of a life on the streets. You might be right; he might be most comfortable with living on the streets but it never should have come to that. And who are you to judge?

He’s here every day. He must be getting enough to survive on. So why should I give him anything?   

But you can’t just ignore him – how is that loving your neighbour?

So I could give him food. But he didn’t ask for food. He’s asking for money. Seems a bit cold to stop for a chat but not offer him anything. So what do I do?

I don’t even agree with all these arguments. But, for one reason or another this is what runs through my head and affects the way I act. Most days I hurriedly say ‘Hi’ as I walk past. But on the days when I’m feeling braver/more generous/more loving I stop for a brief chat. And sometimes give money.

But when I walk away I never know if I’ve done the right thing. Or if there even is a right thing?

And then I wonder 'Am I sheep? Am I a goat?' *

And how can I pray for a solution to his problems if I’m not willing to at least be a small part of it?

Answers anyone?

*For those of you wondering how a farm animal metaphor got thrown in check Matthew 25 v 31-46

                                         

Meanwhile, One Year Ago...

I miss you.

It’s the little things in life...

...that make you smile...

• People wearing sunglasses. On the tube. In winter – correct me if I'm wrong but there’s no sun under the ground. And no sun in winter (give or take a couple of hours here or there). So take off your sunglasses. Unless you’re Cyclops. If you’re Cyclops you should keep them on.
• Getting the front seat at the top of the bus.
• Tea and cake and friends – goes without saying really.
• Beating your flatmates home in the ‘I’m-gonna -prove-that-this-mode-of-transportation-is-quicker-than-yours’ race. Bus for the win!
• Seeing London lit up at night as I go across Waterloo Bridge on my way home after work (sitting on the top deck at the front of course)
• Watching people run for the bus – not that I would ever do this, especially not if I were racing my flatmates home.
• Seeing someone smile when they read a text/email.
• Memories of New Zealand and South Africa – LOVE to the YWAM crew.

...that make you cry...

• Being stuck behind a bunch of school kids on the tube escalator – Move. Out. Of. My. Way. Before. I. Kill. You.
• Hauntingly Sad Sad Music.
• Meeting a homeless man, shivering in the freezing cold and being unable to solve his problems.
• Having a doorman tell me I don’t look 19, look at my driver’s licence and then say “Really?” when he works out how old I am, shrug his shoulders and let me in.
• Meeting a man who had served as a Gurkha for 15 years but having been in England for 2 years is now homeless and sleeping rough.
• People overwhelmed to tears with relief and gratitude when handed food at a foodbank.
• The girls in Perspex heels, long coats and lots of makeup who smoke outside the table dancing club round the corner.
• Going to the cupboard for the last piece of cake, only to realise that you ate it yesterday and in keeping with the trying-to-be-a-healthy-house-policy there are no sweet things other than raisins *sigh*

 ...that make you laugh...

• Having an ambiguous ethnicity. No, I am not Chinese, Nepali or Brazilian (genuine questions I have been asked by three different people in the last few weeks).
• London 2012. What. A. Joke. Super excited for the athletics though. 
• Watching someone jump to get on the tube, only to get their rucksack stuck outside. 
• Public transport in general.
• The Usain Bolt virgin media ads – they’re just too good. Five points to whoever came up with those.
• My flatmates.

Commuters & Food

So it’s been a few weeks now (five to be exact) since I started working for Foodbank.

Five weeks since I started spending almost two hours of my day observing the behaviour of that strange species of the workforce known as ‘Commuters.’

And this is what I have learned:

• A packed train is a totally acceptable place to apply a full face and neck(!) of make-up.
• A packed train is the perfect place to have an argument with your boyfriend (who just started working at the River Cafe - the same place as you) about waiting for the train on the wrong platform (which apparently was so typical of him because he did the same thing a couple of weeks ago when they went to visit her mum. Not that I was shamelessly eavesdropping on their conversation or anything).
• A packed train is the perfect place to catch up on some sleep, even if you’re standing.
• It is a commonly held belief (and practice) that pushing the button to open the train door before the train has completely come to a stop opens the door faster.
• Looking tired and miserable is the only acceptable way to travel on trains.
• You have elbows for a reason – use them or lose them.
• There is no place for weakness in the Commuter’s territory – very young, very old, or just slow – they will not hesitate to walk all over you like they didn't even see you.

As you can see – it’s been educational.

But I’ve also learned about food. In particular, having no food.

People in England really do go hungry. People really do have no money for food.

I mean I knew this when I signed up to Foodbank but now I’ve actually seen it.

The first couple of weeks I spent most of my time visiting the London Foodbanks (we have 15 open at the moment and another 12 due to open soon). I saw how the Foodbanks operate and got to meet some of the volunteers and clients.

The first client I met was a guy who was probably in his early thirties. He’d been brought to the Foodbank by a couple of plain clothed policemen. He was pretty emotional. Turns out he’d been caught shoplifting bread and eggs earlier that day. His benefit had stopped 23 days ago and since then he hadn’t received any income. He said that once his food had run out he had to beg. He said hadn’t eaten for four days. Four days. And he’d gotten so hungry that stealing seemed to be his only option. He said he’d been off drugs and alcohol for six years and this was the first time he’d been in trouble with the police since then, he was really upset about this. He started to cry when we gave him some food. He was so thankful.

BOOM

That was when I realised. People really do go hungry. People really do have no food. In England.

That was when I realised what Foodbank was about and why it’s needed. Since that first week I've met a whole range of clients who for some reason, have no food or the means of getting any. 

This not something I expect to see in England.

So yeah, an educational few weeks to be sure. 

Disturb us, O Lord...

Disturb us, O Lord,
When we are too pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, O Lord,
When with the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst for the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, O Lord,
To dare more boldly,
To venture on wilder seas,
Where storms will show Your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.

We ask you to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push back the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

This we ask in the name of our Captain,
Who is Jesus Christ.

Prayer of Francis Drake, 1577