I Will Not Take My Love Away

This has been going round and round and round and round my head all day.

During breakfast, work, prayer meeting and everything in-between I could not escape it.

Maybe I still need to hear it.

Maybe you need to hear it.

Maybe we both need to understand it better.

I will not take my love away

When praises cease and seasons change

While the whole world turns the other way

I will not take my love away

I will not leave you all alone

When striving leads you far from home

And there's no yield for what you've sown

I will not leave you all alone

I will give you what you need

In plenty or in poverty

Forever, always, look to me

And I will give you what you need 

What do you want to see?

Today was the church AGM (social highlight of the year obvs). Maybe not the easiest of things of follow (accounts completely baffle me) but important all the same. During the Q & A section a friend turned to me and said “What do you want to see Rach?”

I gave my standard answer when my head is empty but full of wondering what exactly the implications are of  the restricted and unrestricted funds section of the accounts – “Good question. I’m not sure, haven't thought about it that much.” Which to be honest isn't the whole truth. I know what I want to see in the Church as a whole, but I’d never really thought about what I wanted to see in my local church. 

Which is kinda lazy and crazy (check tha’ rhymes) given that one of the reasons I chose to attend St Peter’s was because I believe in the vision of the church. But I guess part of that was me signing on to someone else’s vision. Which is strange because I have a million and five opinions on what I think the Church should look like, and yes, some of these opinions definitely contradict (keeping track of a million and five opinions is hard work).

So what do I want to see?

It’s simple really - Love. 

I want to see a community of people who Love.

Love God, love each other & love those in our community.

Love that is patient and kind. Love that is not jealous, or boastful or proud or rude. Love that does not demand its own way. Love that is not irritable or counts when it has been wronged. Love that rejoices in truth and justice. Love that never gives up or loses faith. Love that endures through every circumstance.  

An all encompassing love that is good news to the poor, comforts the broken hearted and sets captives free. 

I want to see a people who give freely, serve joyfully and worship faithfully.

A family where all are welcomed and no-one is left out. 

A family who rejoices with you in times of celebration. 

A family who helps carry you when you’re in a valley and all is dark.

A family who is right beside you through all seasons of life.

In other words I want to see a church that looks more like Jesus and less like the rest of us. 

So the challenge to myself is am I one of those people? Am I contributing to the Church I want to see?

Not always.

But the great thing is that there’s always an opportunity to start.

Shoutout to one of the YWAM crew for the photo.

Community is... a choice

I've been asked quite a lot lately about what living ‘as a community’ actually means. My father thinks I live in a commune – I’m not that much of a hippy just yet (but I have started wearing more tye-dye clothes whenever I go home, just to freak him out a bit you know).

Each week living as a community means something different.

Last week was definitely about choices & being intentional.

Sometimes it’s just carrying out decisions that you’ve already made as a group:

• Choosing to share incomes and contribute to living expenses on the basis of what you earn and can afford
• Choosing to buy food as a household and cook together (one simple rule avoids confusion and the crushing disappointment of opening the fridge to discover the food you were dreaming about all day has gone - if you wan’ it then you gotta put ya name on it)

Or decisions that you need to make together:

• Choosing to spend time together (you know your lives have gotten too busy when you have to schedule 8am breakfast meetings with your flatmates so that you can all get your diaries out and book in time to spend together over the next two months)
• Choosing to pray with each other
• Choosing to pray for each other
• Choosing whether or nor to invest in a tumble drier ( with four girls a tumble drier is definitely for the win!)

And then there are the daily decisions:

• Choosing to not throw a book/table/chair at you roommate when she sings that one line from that really annoying song for the millionth time that day
• Choosing not to throw your roommate out the window when she tries to have a conversation with you before you've had breakfast, even though she knows you can’t deal with it (for those of you wondering - I had breakfast half an hour before our breakfast meeting)
• Choosing to forgive your flatmates when they don’t even realise you feel wronged
• Choosing to say sorry when you don’t understand what you did wrong/knowingly did something wrong
• Choosing to invite people into your home when you really need a night off to watch Gypsy Weddings
• Choosing to clean more often than you think necessary because you know that in the same way you can't deal with mornings, your flatmate can't deal with mess
• Choosing to share your burdens with others and help others carry theirs'
• Choosing to sing along to Bryan Adams at the top of your voice while you cook dinner with your flatmate (Bryan Adams – For shame! Minus 5 points to Rachel)

But then there are the days when the sun is shining, life is perfect (enough) and the harder choices, that require more courage and greater love, are o so easy to make. 

And then community is less about making choices and more about just living your life, with maybe a bit more grace and depth and love then you might otherwise have done. 

Questions Questions Questions

So where I live (the Shoreditch end of Bethnal Green. Or the Bethnal Green end of Shoreditch, depending on which direction you’re coming from) there are heaps of homeless people. Any main road seems to have at least two guys sitting outside The-Supermarket-That-Shall-Not-Named or next to the cash point asking for any spare change. And I don’t know what to do about it. This is the conversation I have with myself every time I am asked if I have any spare change:

You can’t give money – it’ll only be used for alcohol and drugs. Do you really want your money to support  the local drug dealers?

Who says he’s gonna spend it on drugs? And why is it your business what he does with the money you give? Jesus asked you to help those in need and clearly he is in need.  God has entrusted you with that money – it’s not yours.

But I don’t think God wants his money to be used to support the local drug dealers either. And there are plenty of services out there to help. Maybe this guy prefers a life on the streets and so why should I support him in something that clearly isn’t healthy?

You know it’s rarely as simple as that - no one dreams of a life on the streets. You might be right; he might be most comfortable with living on the streets but it never should have come to that. And who are you to judge?

He’s here every day. He must be getting enough to survive on. So why should I give him anything?   

But you can’t just ignore him – how is that loving your neighbour?

So I could give him food. But he didn’t ask for food. He’s asking for money. Seems a bit cold to stop for a chat but not offer him anything. So what do I do?

I don’t even agree with all these arguments. But, for one reason or another this is what runs through my head and affects the way I act. Most days I hurriedly say ‘Hi’ as I walk past. But on the days when I’m feeling braver/more generous/more loving I stop for a brief chat. And sometimes give money.

But when I walk away I never know if I’ve done the right thing. Or if there even is a right thing?

And then I wonder 'Am I sheep? Am I a goat?' *

And how can I pray for a solution to his problems if I’m not willing to at least be a small part of it?

Answers anyone?

*For those of you wondering how a farm animal metaphor got thrown in check Matthew 25 v 31-46

                                         

It’s the little things in life...

...that make you smile...

• People wearing sunglasses. On the tube. In winter – correct me if I'm wrong but there’s no sun under the ground. And no sun in winter (give or take a couple of hours here or there). So take off your sunglasses. Unless you’re Cyclops. If you’re Cyclops you should keep them on.
• Getting the front seat at the top of the bus.
• Tea and cake and friends – goes without saying really.
• Beating your flatmates home in the ‘I’m-gonna -prove-that-this-mode-of-transportation-is-quicker-than-yours’ race. Bus for the win!
• Seeing London lit up at night as I go across Waterloo Bridge on my way home after work (sitting on the top deck at the front of course)
• Watching people run for the bus – not that I would ever do this, especially not if I were racing my flatmates home.
• Seeing someone smile when they read a text/email.
• Memories of New Zealand and South Africa – LOVE to the YWAM crew.

...that make you cry...

• Being stuck behind a bunch of school kids on the tube escalator – Move. Out. Of. My. Way. Before. I. Kill. You.
• Hauntingly Sad Sad Music.
• Meeting a homeless man, shivering in the freezing cold and being unable to solve his problems.
• Having a doorman tell me I don’t look 19, look at my driver’s licence and then say “Really?” when he works out how old I am, shrug his shoulders and let me in.
• Meeting a man who had served as a Gurkha for 15 years but having been in England for 2 years is now homeless and sleeping rough.
• People overwhelmed to tears with relief and gratitude when handed food at a foodbank.
• The girls in Perspex heels, long coats and lots of makeup who smoke outside the table dancing club round the corner.
• Going to the cupboard for the last piece of cake, only to realise that you ate it yesterday and in keeping with the trying-to-be-a-healthy-house-policy there are no sweet things other than raisins *sigh*

 ...that make you laugh...

• Having an ambiguous ethnicity. No, I am not Chinese, Nepali or Brazilian (genuine questions I have been asked by three different people in the last few weeks).
• London 2012. What. A. Joke. Super excited for the athletics though. 
• Watching someone jump to get on the tube, only to get their rucksack stuck outside. 
• Public transport in general.
• The Usain Bolt virgin media ads – they’re just too good. Five points to whoever came up with those.
• My flatmates.