Lord help me. (Yep, it’s so bad that I’m calling on the Lord
in my blog but this is serious).
Brace yourself, this could be the end of our friendship...
But I must confess - I’m turning in to Jeremy Kyle.
And I don’t know how to stop it. Forget Quarter Century Crisis. This is much much worse. Let me explain...
This past week has been half term and so I retreated back to
the suburbs for a couple of days of quiet. Arriving at my parents’ house tired,
cold and hungry I decided to indulge in a bit of mindless TV watching (a real
treat as I have no TV out East). Flicking through the channels I saw that
Jeremy Kyle USA was on, “Hmm” thinks I “let me see if this is just as bad as the Uk version.” (I don’t know why I thought it
would be any different).
The setup: Two sisters arguing. One thinks the other is an
unfit mother and on drugs. Jeremy chats to one of them and stirs up some
trouble asking leading questions and questioning motives. Enter other sister stage right, cue screaming
in each other’s faces for 5 minutes while Jez looks on all condescending. After
an appropriate amount of time to garner ‘good tv’ Jez proceeds to break up the
argument:
“You, go over there. And we are going to talk about this in
a calm adult way.” To the other “I am going to go and talk to your sister and
you need to go over to the sofa and calm down”
Upon hearing these words I was struck to the core. I
couldn’t move. I wanted to throw up, cry, laugh hysterically and flee
the country.
“What?” I hear you ask was the problem? Jez calmly and
sternly told the screaming sisters what to do so that he could restore some
order. Surely that is the logical option and one of his few good choices?
The problem, is that he used the exact same tone I (attempt)
to use with the kids at school. In that same tone I calmly yet sternly tell them
what they need to do so that we can restore some order.
So there you have it - I’m turning into Jeremy Kyle.
I think its time for a new
job.
