Back to School

So, this week I went back to school. But instead of having to remember my homework and P.E. kit I had to remember the names of 30 kids and the names of 2D shapes (how many sides does a hexagon have again?). Welcome to the life of a teaching assistant. 

So how has my first week been?

Educational.

I have learned that my reception teacher’s catch phrase of “Don’t knock me I’m not a door” is a completely valid phrase to use when working with children.

I have learned that despite being relatively well educated (or atleast I made it through The System with no major problems) I don’t actually know the basic rules of grammar. I can use (most of) them and I choose to ignore several, but I don’t actually know the rules – this is kind of a problem when you’re expected to help others learn them.

I have learned that its harder to remember the names  

I have learned that I need to listen when the teacher gives instructions. 

I have learned race is something 6 and 7 years old discuss, and one of the first questions they’ll ask you (just because one is not white does not mean that one is not English yeah).

I have learned that I need to seperate my wardrobe into clothes that are nice but not too nice for school (just incase some kid throws up on me – paranoid much? Not me)

I have learned that male primary school teachers are human too (who ever would have thought).

I have learned that teaching would be much easier with less children or more adults.

I have learned that I am in danger of turning into my mother sooner than I thought – my mother has been a teaching assistant for over ten years and I'm finding myself using some of her favourite phrases.

I have learned that you should never judge a job by your first day.

I have learned that I need to find where I left my angry voice (somewhere in 2008 I think).

I have learned that I never want to be a teacher. If I ever tell you I want to be a teacher please ask for the real Rachel to please stand up because I have clearly been abducted and replaced by my stepford wife replacement.

As you can see – it’s been educational.

Am I looking forward to next week? I’ll let you know Sunday evening.

C. S. Lewis - What A Ledge

So, I have one of those C. S. Lewis Quote apps on my ipod. The man was a Ledge (even if you take Narnia out of the equation). He had something to say about everything. Not all of it I agree with but here are a few thoughts to mull over:

The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one’s ‘own,’ or ‘real’ life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one’s real life – the life God is sending one day by day.

Critics who treat ‘adult’ as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence  And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even early manhood this concern about being adult is really a mark of arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly, when I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.

In those days a boy on the classical side officially did almost nothing but classics. I think this was wise; the greatest service we can do to education today is to teach a few subjects. No on e has time to do more than a very few things well before he is twenty, and when we force a boy to be a mediocrity in a dozen subjects we destroy his standards, perhaps for life.

It is not your business to succeed, but to do right. When you have done so, the rest lies with God. 

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no-one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness, but in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.

Comparison & Jehovah Jireh

Comparison is a deadly thing.

And it’s becoming a problem.

A lot of my friends are entering into their third year of post-university employment. They’re climbing up the career ladder, becoming more confident in what they do/realising that this isn’t the career for them, getting more experience and getting paid more.

They don’t think twice about going to visit friends at the weekend (train fare + dinner out + night out + extras). Quite a few are living at home and not having to pay exorbitant rent (rent + bills + council tax). They seem to be going on exotic holidays every five minutes (air fare + hotels + food + transport + extras). They’re saving enough to be able to buy their own place in a few years (I don’t even know what this entails because it’s so far from my reality). They don’t spend time staring at the figures on their budget spreadsheet willingly them to somehow re-arrange themselves so that there's more left after the standard outgoings. They don’t have to make the lame but painfully true excuse of “ I'm sorry but I really can’t afford it.” They don’t have to swallow their pride and accept other people paying for them.

Comparison is a deadly thing.

I might sound bitter but I do not begrudge my friends their lifestyles. They made choices that have put them where they are today. As have I. 

I am about to start my first full-time salaried job. Praise Jesus! I am super excited about the job and super excited to actually be earning proper money (as is my Dad). But without carefully sticking to budget it won't work.

Sometimes I feel like Rachel, Joey and Phoebe in that episode of Friends where they try to explain to the others that they can’t afford all the expensive dinners and birthday celebrations. And I get that same blank look with a slight hint of disbelief. 

And on the days when I see what I don't have I struggle to remember that money is not the foundation of security. 

I struggle to remember that life is not about having a ‘good’ job, nice house and a couple of nice holidays a year.

I struggle to remember that in comparison to the 82% of the world who don’t have a bank account I am materially rich. In comparison to the families in Tower Hamlets struggling to provide enough food for their families I am materially rich.

I struggle to remember that the treasure of this earth can be destroyed but the treasure of heaven is eternal.

And I struggle to remember that I serve Jehovah Jireh - the God who sees, the God who provides and the God who will provide.

Comparison is a deadly thing.

Her phone is newer than mine. His hair is better than mine. She has a bigger house than me. He had a more expensive holiday than me. They have a nicer family than me. She's smarter than me. She has more money then me. He has better friends than me. His job is better then mine. Her car is nicer than mine. Their life is better than mine.

Comparison is a deadly thing. It steals peace, joy, contentment and life. It is based on the lie that if you had all those things you would be happier. 

I am thankful that through my struggles Jehovah Jireh, the God who sees, is with me. 

I am thankful that the God who sees reminds me that my worth is not based on my bank balance, savings account or perceived success of this world. 

I am thankful that the God who provides reminds of His provision over the last 12 months. 

I am thankful that Jehovah Jireh  reminds me that I should place my trust in Him, the God who sees all, the God who provides all, and the God who will provide.